Hello All,
Please forgive the late post. Normally, I try to get M&M out on the 29th of each month, but I was on the road for a week in late March, and now I’m in a dreamy and ‘de-screen-y’ state of mind. Here are my latest musings. Enjoy!
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I was 35 when I left my teaching position to chase my art.
I left sunny Florida with my poet-artist friend, Melissa, my tabby cat, Trampoline, and many of my objects. I said goodbye to my parents, siblings, niece and nephew, friends and beloved swamps where I had biked, rollerbladed and wandered for years.
Of course it was hard, but I had to go. I had to answer whatever it was that was calling me to leave a secure routine and take a risk. I did not know exactly what I was doing or how I was going to support myself, but I did feel clearly that something was emotionally out of balance, and the only way to tilt my heart back to center was to write, make visual art and perform. I couldn’t stay in Tampa, because as much as I loved that city, my Midwest roots, my cattail rhizomes, were pulling deeper. Thankfully, Columbia College’s Interdisciplinary Art program supported my intuition, providing me with a way to begin, and my friend was willing to be part of this major shift in my life.
So Melissa and I drove for two days until we reached my studio apartment in Chicago. In that gray, complex city of artists, I studied and met kindreds. I also met the love of my life and joined a band. Both of these were the best surprises, best rewards for taking that leap. Now, 20 years later, after several relocations – from Chicago to Raleigh to D.C. to Germany and then New York – I am holding hands and jumping with Benjamin again. We are chasing our art, headed back home.
When you move as much as we have, you learn many important lessons, but perhaps the best advice I can share is what I learned from my colleague, Emily. I had been in Chicago for two seasons, an exciting Summer and romantic Autumn, and then, Winter. As I shook off my coat and stomped my snowy boots, I complained to Emily about the weather. She laughed and said, “You need to remember the 4 H’s.”
The only 4H I knew was the club in which I’d participated as a kid. What I knew went like this: “I pledge my Head to clearer thinking, my Heart to greater loyalty, my Hands to larger service and my Health to better living, for my club, my community and my country.”
What Emily wrote on a piece of paper was this:
1. Honeymoon
2. Hostility
3. Humor
4. Home
She explained that when you first move, you’re in the Honeymoon stage. Everything is great, new and different, and you’re in love with all the changes. After a while, homesickness sets in and you feel crabby as you enter the Hostility stage. You ask questions like, Why is this place not like my other place? Why does this weather suck? After a while, and this ‘while’ is different for everyone, you accept the differences within your new space. You find Humor in the challenging things. “When you can laugh,” Emily said, “well, that’s when you know you’re Home.”
New York was good for us. Yes, there were challenges but there was much love too…
Thank you, trees in our first backyard. Looking at you each morning was pure joy.
Thank you, Maple in the front yard. Your branches held Hawks. You helped me heal.
Thank you, Cedar outside my second studio window. You taught me deepest love and respect. I don’t want to say goodbye to you. May you continue for many more years.
Thank you, and I’m sorry, front yard Holly and Ivy. The moving truck snapped a few of your branches, and I didn’t meant for that to happen. Please forgive me and may you heal quickly.
Thank you, next door Gingkoes, Oaks, Maples and Pines across the street – you grounded me during quarantine, you kept me balanced.
Trees, I love you.
Thank you animals wild and tame – Deer, Squirrels, Chipmunks, Turtles, Mink, Frogs, Snakes, Foxes, Coy-Wolves, Wolves, Bears, Dogs, Cats, Bunnies, Chickens, Turkeys, Vultures, Herons, Geese, Buffleheads, Hawks, Sparrows, Finches, Towhees, Crows, Chickadees, Cardinals, Woodpeckers, Doves, Jays, Spiders, Worms, Bees, Hornets, Lady Bugs, Stink Bugs and Mice. I love you.
Thank you, Rockefeller State Park, your hills were the first I climbed with my new hip. Coy-Wolves, your howl and saunter will stay in my heart always. Thank you, Pound Ridge Nature Preserve and New York Wolf Sanctuary. Being in the presence of Bears and Wolves was holy.
Thank you, trails of Tarrytown Lake, for the first wild steps without pain and cane.
Thank you, Dr. Cross for being my surgeon and sculptor, and thank you, HSS team – nurses, PTs, anesthesiologists – for holding my life and guiding me safely through the recovery process. Thank you, Kate for dancing me back to myself again and Dale for your intuitive drawings.
Thank you, human friends (and some specific dogs and cats):
Brendan & Julie, yours were our first post-pandemic hugs and this meant the world. Thank you for the cake and conversation about art, poetry, music, all things Fruhstruck & Platz life, and most of all, enthusiasm (heh heh). Thank you, Rowan and Nico, for sharing your parents with us and keeping us smiling via your Instagram and Zoomie antics.
Students and colleagues of Life Center Sleepy Hollow, you make the world better. Muchas Gracias.
Agent M, thank you for every single whim wine and belly laugh. You always brought Southern love and Midwest humor to the treehouse, and Benjamin and I treasured each moment with you.
Loretta, my Lucky Cherry Poet, your home was sanctuary, our lunch conversations were sacred, and Linton, Muddy Water Café will forever remain my favorite place to write in New York. Thank you. May the red table carry more secrets.
Hudson Valley Writers’ Center, thank you for the open mics, where I met poet-friend, Jim Garber, and the workshops where I met my forever mentors, poets Nickole Brown & Jessica Jacobs.
Chris and Patty and everyone at The Bridge View Tavern, we loved you from our first sandwiches and beer flights to that time you let us hang out for hours because our power was out – thank you for being our second kitchen. Being regulars was an honor.
Heather, Trilogy was my second closet, and your dedication to community will always inspire me. Thank you for the healing salons.
Rosie, the music was magic, and I hope wherever you roam, you sing and play guitar.
Miko, we were Calyx and Parlance, we spoke the language of flowers. Thank you.
Yusuke, thank you for sharing house plant love and delicious Japanese food.
George, Sundays with you in the JCC Library were lovely poetic salons. Thank you.
Shauna, thank you for the haircuts and conversation about music, tattoos and Ireland.
Lizzie, thank you for showing me how picture books are gorgeous art.
Marie, thank you for the Scrabble games, tea and conversations in your garden.
Thank you, Mary & Bijan, Wendy & Lula, Camile, Gabriel, Jeremy & Celeste, Aaron, Stacey & Daniel, Sue & Jack , Ash and Ryan, Claire, Sadie and Stella for being such friendly neighbors.
Thank you, Reno and Josie, for trusting us with your homes.
Thank you, New York City for:
Think Coffee, because I finished the first draft of my novella at one of your cozy tables.
The Strand, Alabaster Bookshop and Books of Wonder.
Gothic Renaissance.
Bryant Park.
The High Line and Angel’s Share Speak Easy, because you made my Niece happy.
Central Park, Milk & Honey Bagels, Uncle Paul’s Pizza, because you extended a true NYC welcome to my brother and sister-in-law and made their anniversary memorable.
Old Town Bar, because time there with friends, Ben & Rachel and Kate, was wit and delight.
Sala One Nine Tapas and La Fonda Del Sol for being perfect places for my Eve and me to sip and giggle our way through an afternoon.
Teodora, because you were the perfect Italian restaurant with the perfect lasagna, wine, ravioli and atmosphere to celebrate our friendship with Nicholas & Allen.
Algonquin Hotel, because you have a kitty and keep Dorothy’s spirit alive. Every cocktail with friends in your Blue Bar and at your Round Table was divine.
Thank you, museums –Whitney, MoMA, and especially the Met Breuer for being the first museum I strolled free of arthritic pain. My dearest friend Irina and I had a lovely time viewing your Obsession exhibit and then eating a fabulous lunch at Via Quadronno. A perfect NYC day.
I’ll close on that note. Thank you, New York, and from my heart, fare thee well …